there is no “reset” – just live forward!

If you’re an intense person by nature, it’s likely that up to 75% of your life energy every minute, every hour, every day is automatically being allocated to ignore what you don’t want to think about. You tell yourself “I need to ignore certain things, otherwise I can’t deal with them. I need to ignore them to get by.” 

OK, but then consider how much of your total energy you have left to consciously deal with the realities of your day? Say 25%. Then it’s no small wonder that in a day you feel that you can’t accomplish very much. And at the same time when you do try to accomplish anything, you feel immediately overwhelmed. Under these conditions who wouldn’t, with only 25% of their energy available to them to manage their day? 

Managing your day is hard enough, but with only 25% of your energy available to try and gain ground, it becomes a disappointing struggle, which is why people live in a constant state of overwhelm; a huge proportion of their daily allotment of energy every day is already accounted for by ignoring this or that reality or “keeping such & such at bay for now because I just don’t want to think about it.”

So you end up having to be very sparing as to apportioning your energy during the day if you want to just survive. And that’s what many people do. And that’s why they’re then frustrated that they make no progress, feeling completely spent at the end of the day and disappointed that they should have more to show for their day. 

“How come I don’t have more to show for all the energy I’ve spent this day this week, this month?” is a common lament. Well, because your expectations are based on 100% effective application of your energy. Where your reality is based on 100% expenditure of energy but only 25% effective application of it!

People commonly perceive this pattern as “managing my life“. But in reality this is just a coping strategy. Personally I think trying to just cope is pointless. Far better to take the responsibility to manage your reality. Do that and you’ll never need to cope; coping is a powerless gesture because it is after the fact, and can effect no change. Managing? Well, managing means you’re doing your best, which is the whole point.

PS. People often want a “reset” because they want to “start fresh” without having to expend all the energy and experience all the stress of wilfully ignoring all the realities they are aware of but find disagreeable. In short, they want to reset themselves to a state of blissful ignorance, because they believe the adage that ignorance is bliss.

But of course that cannot & does not work. By avoiding the responsibility of their disagreeable realities, they end up struggling, which is compounded by the unavoidable price paid for ignoring &/or not managing those realities. Which is of course why they feel miserable, which in turn is why they want a reset in the first place. Vicious cycle, eh?

The point here is quite simple: Avoid the temptation to look for a “reset”. Instead, simply focus your attention on making the most of what you have.

money and happiness

It may be true that money in & of itself will not necessarily assure happiness.

But consider this: money can definitely help bring your resources & aspirations into alignment.

And it is precisely this alignment that enables personal achievement, which can indeed bring great happiness!

the truth about “shame”

Feeling shame is just the self-indulgence of wallowing in “I should have ___!”. 

And whenever you beat yourself up over “I should have ___!”, it is simply because you are not responsibly evaluating the validity of your expectations

Look, if you are so sure that “I should have made the right choice!” is a valid expectation, then answer the following question honestly: “Was I properly equipped to make the “right” choice back then – in terms of my mental acuity, emotional capacity & maturity, intellectual capability, experience and wisdom?” 

And if you come up with the inevitable answer that “Actually, I may have been a little short on experience & wisdom back then…”, then just LET THE SHAME DISSOLVE AWAY!

PS. Learning can be a very powerful way to neutralize shame and help restore your emotional pH balance.

struggle or battle – your choice

There are only two approaches available when you choose to undertake the challenge of overcoming any obstacles to a desired achievement. 


BATTLE is undertaking any challenge that you expect to win.

STRUGGLE is undertaking any challenge that you expect to lose, but feel compelled to engage in because you’d like to win.

Motivation for BATTLE is the decision of “I’m going to do what it takes to keep going until I am victorious.” This motivation sustains you until you win. 

Motivation for STRUGGLE is the idea of “I’m frustrated with losing, so I’ll try to do better.” This motivation does not last, and so you inevitably lose while having wasted genuine effort in the process.

BATTLE mindset: “I have an opportunity to win here if I work smart & strong. And if I don’t win this time, I’ll just keep investing in being smarter & stronger until I do.”

STRUGGLE mindset: “No matter how smart & strong I am I can’t win, so there’s really no point in investing in being smarter & stronger; it’s futile.”

Obviously, you must commit to one approach or the other before you begin taking on a challenge.  And you’ll need to train yourself to always make the wise choice.


knowing vs. understanding

Knowing is like having money. Understanding is like the ability to make money. 

A common problem is that many people want to know without making the effort to understand, the same way they want to be rich without actually taking the responsibility for making money. 

From a practical standpoint, at the end of the day, even if you have money it can disappear in a number of ways. But if you have the ability to make it, then you’re assured a measure of security by having this capability.

Which is why I’d say the ability to earn money is much more valuable than just having it. And why understanding is far more valuable than just having knowledge.

Naturally, having money is comfortable & convenient, but being able to earn it at will is really much more empowering. Similarly, knowing is comfortable & convenient, but understanding is what moves you through life successfully.

the fickle finger of frustration

There are several things wrong with the complaint: “I feel frustrated with myself!”. 

First off, the root of the word “frustration” is the Latin “frustra”, which means “in vain”. So “frustration” implies that any efforts you make are futile because you are powerless to control your self.

However, since only you can be in control of how & what you feel, it’s technically impossible to be powerless over your self

So what’s happening here? Well, you’re telling yourself that some external force is acting upon your thinking or feeling or both and controlling them against your will. What you are essentially doing is simply pointing the finger of blame.

But here’s the thing about blame: It doesn’t matter who you are or what you’re pointing the finger of blame at, when you’re blaming you’re saying “I’m not responsible for the outcome!” That’s what blame means. 

So when you say “I’m frustrated with myself”, you’re in effect saying “I’m not responsible for whatever I’m doing that I’m upset with”, which is both reprehensibly childish and inaccurate. 

Bear in mind: Every time you blame – and so complain about being powerless – you believe a little bit more that it’s actually valid. A dangerously steep & slippery slope indeed….

an antidote to feeling powerless

Self-discipline is an excellent antidote to feeling powerlessness.

Here’s how it works: Every time you discipline yourself, regardless of how or why, you are communicating to yourself that you have the power to choose. Which means that you have control over your life. Which means that you are not powerless. 

What causes many to hesitate is the doubt that self-discipline may not “work”. Good thing it doesn’t really matter! Because if your first choice didn’t work out as you wished, you have the power to make others that will.

The whole point of self-discipline is that you’re the one making the choice. Whatever the outcome is – good or bad – is not really the point. The point is that you made the choice – nobody else did it for you. And that means you have the power and the freedom to make your own choices. And that’s the antithesis of powerlessness – of feeling that you don’t have any power to make your own choices.

Bonus: You can see how self-discipline is the surest means of not only being in control of your life but of earning your own self-respect as well.

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