Tag Archives: Self-Management

acceptance

Our lives are full of demands and requests. They can come from anywhere: home or work, from others and from within our own minds.

But no matter where they originate, the critical point is how we choose to respond to them. Because how we choose to respond has a profound impact on how we are treated by others, and most importantly on our own self-respect.

So when faced with a demand or request, you can choose ACCEPT it or to ACQUIESCE to it.

To ACQUIESCE means to give in to a demand or request, and subsequently to something or someone.

By allowing yourself to acquiesce you effectively merge – without challenge or evaluation – into someone else’s context. As such, you run the risk of ceding your will, initiative or control. A further risk is that you might eventually experience your will – or sense of self – becoming inexorably eroded from repeatedly compromising your value system or principles.

To ACCEPT is to make a proactive choice to adapt based on your own considered evaluation and judgement.

The key to doing this effectively is making the effort of will to pause while the request is sent to your mental think-tank for evaluation and consideration. This gives you the freedom to either deliberately accept the option as consistent or consonant with your value system, or consciously reject it because it isn’t. Whichever you choose, exercising your will in this responsible manner – guided by your thinking, not your feelings – will give you positive control over whatever choices you are presented with in life.

The Bottom Line:

Free will notwithstanding, circumstances are not always ideal, so at times the choice between acceptance or acquiescing may seem to be determined by the nature of a particular circumstance. Such is life. But as long as the choices you ACCEPT are in the main deliberate ones for which you confidently have a reasonable rationale, you’ll stay aligned with your values while exercising your potential and freedom of will, which is always a good thing.

the big lie

We all have the tendency to tell ourselves things that are not strictly speaking true – it is one of our base survival mechanisms.

The thing with survival mechanisms though, is that they can severely constrain our personal growth & development. So from time to time it is important to challenge certain of these auto-defense mechanisms that may be limiting us. One such mechanism which often frustrates us, for example, is the common lament: “I don’t know what to do!”

I call this The Big Lie, because this has nothing to do with knowing, but rather everything to do with feeling. Specifically, when we complain to ourselves (or others) that we “don’t know what to do!”, what we are really thinking is “I don’t know what is guaranteed to work!”, and this is what makes us feel so frustrated, weak, or vulnerable.

By itself, this is not a big deal, but unfortunately the thought or feeling that “I don’t know what is guaranteed to work!” is all too often automatically followed by “So I’m better off doing nothing at all until I do know!”.

This is self-destructive for two key reasons: (1) Obviously because taking reasonable action, no matter the outcome, is always better than doing nothing. (2) Because the more we run this pattern, the more defiant &/or petulant we risk becoming, which in turn increases our initial feelings of powerlessness. Not good.

So if you ever find yourself lamenting “I don’t know what to do!”, remember that it is just not true; you may not know the absolute best thing to do, but then how often does anyone?

Don’t give in to fear. Remind yourself that you always have the power to take reasonable action, and do so; you may be pleasantly surprised at the outcome. And if the outcome turns out to be less than optimal, just manage it to the best of your ability and an opportunity for a better outcome will find its way to your door.

We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit. – Aristotle

PS. Two tips:

  1. Every task has to be done one at a time.
  2. No task ever has to be done “perfectly”, just thoroughly & completely.

my 4-part guide to personal transformation

For me, personal transformation – the improvement of my Self and Life – has been my principal focus and the subject of endless experimentation for the last 40 or so years.

While the only “truth” I’ve discovered is that that there is no particular recipe for success, there are a few guiding principles or patterns that have emerged often enough that I consider them effective guidelines within the overall process.

So if you are considering embarking on your own personal transformation path, here they are, organized into four distinct phases, along with a few caveats.

Naturally you will need to adjust and adapt my suggestions to the requirements of your unique character, mindset and circumstances. Also, some of these concepts may be unfamiliar to you, and so require a lot of thought just to get them situated for use. And some may not even make any sense until you are halfway into them.

Don’t worry, this is all to be expected given the extraordinarily complex nature of….YOU! Just keep in mind that I’m trying to explain what I think needs to get done; how you do it is up to you. So please follow these guidelines to whatever extent you see fit, at whatever speed & pace suits you, and don’t get discouraged even if you stall out from time to time – just never, ever quit on yourself.

 

phase 2 of 4 – Cementing your Desire

Tee Yourself Up to Succeed

2.1   Cultivate the belief that it’s possible for your Vision to not only exist, but to exist in your world!

  • This step is about bringing the two ideas of “Why Not!” and “Why Not ME!” into alignment in your mind; it’s about accepting the possibility of your Vision becoming a reality in your own Life.

2.2    Stimulate your desire & motivation by going beyond possibility (“it could happen…”) to potential (“it can happen!”).

  • The purpose of this step is for you to become deeply & powerfully motivated. One way to generate such genuine motivation is through moving yourself from accepting two-dimensional possibility into feeling three-dimensional potential: “This really can happen; to ME, for ME! It can happen because I’m the one to do it. This is pretty neat, I’m liking this. Ok, I’m getting excited now.”

 

 

phase 3 of 4 – Fueling & Gearing Up

Get In the Driver’s Seat

3.1    Move yourself from feeling that “it can happen!” to believing that “it will happen!”, based on a clear understanding that the fundamental law governing everything in our Universe is Increase.

  • What you need most here is to believe that there is a fundamental law governing the motion of everything in our Universe; it is Increase, and as part of the Universe yourself, you are included in it too. Keep in mind that the nature of this Universal force (whatever you ascribe it to – a being, a power or science – is not important here) is Increase for all; not taking away anything from anybody else, but natural abundance for all.

3.2   Understand and accept that through aligning your thoughts & actions with this Universal law, you will experience (realize) your Vision – it will become your reality.

  • Here is where you need to understand that the way your Vision becomes reality is through your behaving in alignment with all the potential resources in your Universe. You must accept that the only way to be in alignment with Increase is to keep yourself in control of what you’re thinking & feeling, rather than fighting with or trying to control external forces.

 

phase 4 of 4 – Piloting Your Life

Make It All Work

4.1   Take it upon yourself to “make your Vision happen!”

  • Make the conscious decision to commit yourself completely to the responsibility of keeping yourself in alignment with Increase, by choosing to think & feel the way you want to think & feel about it – all the time! Not easy, but possible!

4.2    Identify particular thoughts and specific feelings that are in alignment with, will contribute to, and will sustain the Vision you’ve created.

  • Create patterns, routines and resources that support you in thinking, feeling, and behaving as you wish. And engage them relentlessly.

You are unique, and so is your transformation process. Trust that you are worth the effort, believe in the power of your mind, and you will achieve the transformation you desire. Never, ever, ever give up.

“A man cannot be saved by someone else’s efforts or protests, but only by the use of his own will.”  ~ Nikola Tesla

a common conundrum

You find yourself avoiding making choices, because you are afraid to make the “wrong” choice – you could find yourself STUCK, with no freedom to escape the consequences of that choice.

Naturally, you want to avoid this at all costs, so you decide to not make the choice.

However, doing this leaves you feeling STUCK in a different way – maybe even a worse way – in LIMBO!

Clearly, to avoid feeling STUCK in LIMBO, the only option is to make the choice.

But that brings us full circle: What if it’s the “wrong” choice? Then you’d be STUCK in that choice with no freedom to escape the consequences of that choice.

Quite the conundrum, it would seem.

But as always, there is a way. In fact, the only way to break out of this Catch-22 is to decide that making any choice – right or wrong – is infinitely better than not making the choice!

The key to success here is the following realization: Discovering that you’ve made the wrong choice does not “trap” you in that choice. What will trap you in it is only your willingness to live with it rather than make the effort – or take the risk – of changing your path or circumstances at that point in time.

So, rather than living in fear of making a bad or wrong choice, I’d recommend you focus instead on cultivating a willingness to adapt or change, when necessary. Once you have confidence in your capability, you’ll no longer need to fear getting STUCK in any bad or wrong choice.

“Pliability is a living hand, fixedness is a dead hand.” – Musashi