Tired of feeling regret? Try this strategy: Instead of framing a choice or decision you made in the past that didn’t work out as intended as “the wrong decision”, try looking at it as simply “a poor decision”. The difference may seem subtle, but the impact on how you feel is huge.
Abandoning the idea of “wrong decision” makes sense for two main reasons:
(1) When you frame a past decision as “wrong”, can you say with complete confidence that you know exactly what the “right” decision would have been? Factoring in both the immediate consequences and outcome of that “right” decision as well as the ripple effects compounded over the last x number of years all the way to today? Of course not. Well, when you cannot unequivocally spell out every single positive ripple effect of the decision you’re currently looking back on, then there was no actual “right” decision to make, was there? If there was no “right” choice then there could be no “wrong” one either, just a decision that didn’t work out as expected. Learn from it & move on.
(2) Your decision didn’t work out as you intended. Okay, was your reasoning for making that decision in the first place sound? If it was, then you didn’t make the “wrong” decision – it just didn’t work out; that’s Life. And if your reasoning for making that decision in the first place was not sound (e.g. emotional), then it was simply a poor decision i.e. one based on a faulty premise &/or incorrect information; learn and be smarter the next time.
Look, making decisions that don’t always work out as we’d like is just part of the human experience. But you always have the opportunity to learn from it so you don’t repeat your mistakes! This is called “Lesson Learned”, and it’s the most powerful way to avoid regret in the first place, and even erase any regrets that may be lingering in your mind.
Purge your mind of regret, remember the lesson and not the fear, and live strong!
As we all get older, the various pressures we are subjected to as members of society, as well as those arising within our own minds, steadily accumulate and increase.
And perhaps the most unfortunate side-effect of this phenomenon is the growing number of good people that succumb to those pressures. Because the upshot is that they inevitably trade their fortitude for endurance, and in doing so sacrifice their individuality.
Power: The ability to do something; you can either have it or not.
- Power is relative to Others; the nature of power is akin to that of confidence – they are both dependent upon & relative to context.
- Power can deliver external advantages.
- To enhance your Power, cultivate your decisiveness.
Strength: The capacity to do something; you can either have a little or a lot.
- Strength is relative to You; the nature of strength is that it is not defined by or relative to context.
- Strength can deliver internal advantages.
- To enhance your Strength, cultivate your composure.
The Bottom Line:
You need power to achieve freedom, but you need strength to be able to enjoy it.
FACT: You don’t deserve better unless you demand better.
So if you really want “better”, a good place to start is developing your character such that you never invite destructive people to run roughshod over you.
This is one of the personal responsibilities of an individual.
Give it some thought.
Just a few thoughts on a few differences I’ve noticed between goals (GS) and wishful thinking (WT).
- GS: INTEND to achieve
- WT: HOPE to achieve
- GS: Belief that you CAN
- WT: NO belief that you CAN
- GS: Uncertainty re HOW => Possibility
- WT: Uncertainty re HOW => Impossibility
- GS: Emotional ATTACHMENT
- WT: Emotional DETACHMENT
- GS: INVESTMENT of daily effort
- WT: SQUANDERING of daily effort
- GS: RISK = MISSED accomplishment => DISAPPOINTMENT
- WT: RISK = NO accomplishment => FAILURE
Hope this can offer some clarity if the lines between the two have been a bit blurry.
I think we as human beings require two key ingredients in order for us to cultivate our courage: hope & determination. And for me, here’s what they boil down to.
Hope: Belief in possibilities from WITHOUT.
Determination: Belief in potential from WITHIN.
If we can cultivate and maintain both of these in our lives, it seems to me that we’ll always be able to find the courage to live at our best.
“Maturity is to not hide one’s strength out of fear, and consequently live below one’s best.” – Dag Hammarskjold
If you feel so “busy” all the time, it’s probably because you are. But consider this:
Keeping yourself distracted by doing things that you find COMFORTABLE delivers very different results than investing in your Self by doing things that you VALUE.