Tag Archives: Self-Management

phase 4 of 4 – Piloting Your Life

Make It All Work

4.1   Take it upon yourself to “make your Vision happen!”

  • Make the conscious decision to commit yourself completely to the responsibility of keeping yourself in alignment with Increase, by choosing to think & feel the way you want to think & feel about it – all the time! Not easy, but possible!

4.2    Identify particular thoughts and specific feelings that are in alignment with, will contribute to, and will sustain the Vision you’ve created.

  • Create patterns, routines and resources that support you in thinking, feeling, and behaving as you wish. And engage them relentlessly.

You are unique, and so is your transformation process. Trust that you are worth the effort, believe in the power of your mind, and you will achieve the transformation you desire. Never, ever, ever give up.

“A man cannot be saved by someone else’s efforts or protests, but only by the use of his own will.”  ~ Nikola Tesla

feeling stuck? think pliable…

You find yourself avoiding making choices, because you are afraid to make the “wrong” choice – you could find yourself STUCK, with no freedom to escape the consequences of that choice.

Naturally, you want to avoid this at all costs, so you decide to not make the choice.

However, doing this leaves you feeling STUCK in a different way – maybe even a worse way – in LIMBO!

Clearly, to avoid feeling STUCK in LIMBO, the only option is to make the choice.

But that brings us full circle: What if it’s the “wrong” choice? Then you’d be STUCK in that choice with no freedom to escape the consequences of that choice.

Quite the conundrum, it would seem.

But as always, there is a way. In fact, the only way to break out of this Catch-22 is to decide that making any choice – right or wrong – is infinitely better than not making the choice!

The key to success here is the following realization: Discovering that you’ve made the wrong choice does not “trap” you in that choice. What will trap you in it is only your willingness to live with it rather than make the effort – or take the risk – of changing your path or circumstances at that point in time.

So, rather than living in fear of making a bad or wrong choice, I’d recommend you focus instead on cultivating a willingness to adapt or change, when necessary. Once you have confidence in your capability, you’ll no longer need to fear getting STUCK in any bad or wrong choice.

“Pliability is a living hand, fixedness is a dead hand.” – Musashi

 

“am I just being stubborn?” a quick reference guide

Here is a handy user guide as to the key differences among Determination, Stubbornness, and Defiance.

DETERMINATION is about focusing on achieving a specific desired outcome. So it is holding to one consistent ideal because you believe that a specific approach based on that ideal will deliver that specific desired outcome.

STUBBORNNESS is about refusing to adjust your current rationale regardless of the outcome. Your rationale may not be the best one, it may not even be the right one, but you do have a rationale for clinging to your position or opinion. The thing is, you just refuse to adapt it to the requirements of your circumstances.

DEFIANCE is about automatically rejecting the possibility of any alternative to whatever it is you currently have in mind. Note that what you “have in mind” is seldom any one specific fact or idea anchored in a specific belief. As you have no specific rationale supporting your position, defiance reflects simply a mindless refusal to be moved.

So, which one are you – determined, stubborn or defiant? All of us – right or wrong – are probably all three at some point, on certain issues, at different times.

What you may want to ask yourself is: “Which one would I like my default setting to be?” And then perhaps work assiduously to make it so….?

to be or not to be…. selfish?

When it comes to the idea of “selfish”, there are two basic camps: those who preach that you should NOT be selfish, and those who preach that you SHOULD be selfish. Naturally, both camps believe that their own respective positions favor the betterment of society.

Who’s right? Well, it depends on definitions – which you may notice are seldom if ever forthcoming from people who preach to you about anything.

Nevertheless, one could potentially see the merit of either side, again depending on if & how they would particularly define “selfish”. However, instead of trying to explain for them, I shall simply explain my own definitions & distinctions as follows.

For me, it’s pretty simple, really, as it comes down to two key definitions, between which one can and must make a clear distinction:

Self-centred – Self-centred people see themselves as the centre of their own universe. As such, they take full responsibility for anything that happens in it, knowing that everything they experience is at least partially a product of their own thoughts, words or deeds. In point of fact, I personally subscribe to this mentality as being a mature, responsible and noble one.

Selfish – Selfish people see themselves as the centre of the universe. As such, they take little if any responsibility for anything that happens in it. While they feel that they deserve control, they won’t accept any of the responsibility for anything they experience as a result of either exercising or failing to exercise that control. So you can see that selfish people are very often immature & cowardly as well.

Well, there you have it. My perspective on two alternatives. Either pick the one that suits you or create yet another to suit yourself, as you will.

Regardless of your choice, though, I suggest you consider the words of Antoine de Saint-Exupery:  “If you are to be, you must begin by assuming responsibility.  You alone are responsible for every moment of your life, for every one of your acts.

Indeed.

 

a simple truth about choices

Powerful emotions. We are all susceptible to them. And when we experience one, it feels like being stranded in the path of an oncoming avalanche, as though we were a victim of an unavoidable force of nature. We even commonly refer to it as “being caught up in emotion” – like we are in no position to do anything about it.

While “being caught up in emotion” may be a nice metaphor, it is 100% inaccurate. In fact, the truth is more like the opposite of “being caught up”.

Experiencing a tide of powerful emotion may feel like being swept up in an avalanche – as it whooshes along it simply sweeps you along with it, giving you no chance to hide or escape. But this is a completely inaccurate and self-serving perception.

Sure, a powerful emotion may feel like an avalanche, but it actually operates like a speeding locomotive. As it whooshes past you, if you really don’t want to be swept along with it, all you need to do is step clear of its track! Yes, you may feel the wind from it tug at you as it passes, but you need not be moved from where you stand. Maybe not so easy, but simple nonetheless.

So the reality is that when we find ourselves being “sucked into or along with” a powerful emotion, it is because we are actually grabbing onto it! And once we grab on, we immediately find ourselves going so fast that the last thing we want to do is let go; I mean, who wants to be pitched into a ditch at 100 miles an hour? And so it is that if we don’t choose at the outset to step aside and let it whip by – but instead grab onto it – we soon find ourselves very far from anywhere we really want to be: mired in an emotion that is controlling us.

Such are the obvious power and danger of failing to choose to step off the track and refuse the “pull” of powerful emotions. But the greater damage caused by allowing ourselves to buy the story that we are actually “caught up in an emotion” is that it helps us justify or excuse our own emotional self-indulgence. “Buying our own BS” helps us convince ourselves that we are not responsible for whatever outcomes transpire, no matter how immature our self-indulgence or behaviour may be.

But there is a way to avoid being controlled by powerful emotion. If you are willing to forego such emotional self-indulgence, you have two options to prevent you from falling victim to an immediate strong emotion: you can choose to simply let the locomotive go by without touching it. Or failing that, if you find yourself clinging to it, you need not fear that you will be dashed to the ground at speed if you let go! Because once you let go of it you’ll realize that you were never moving at all – it just felt like you were racing along.

The bottom line: You always have a choice. Granted, it may seldom be an easy one, but it is always your choice to make.

Every single time you experience the tug of a powerful emotion, you can choose to either concede to the very powerful illusion that it creates within your own mind, and so fall “victim” to it – and then defend or justify your victimization. Or you can stand firm, clear the tracks, watch it rush by, and feel truly proud of yourself for winning – again.

You always have a choice.

 

don’t let “thinking” stress you out

A great many people get stressed out by “thinking!”.

And one of the major reasons is that they focus on trying to find THE answer, rather than just creating and considering viable options first. Not optimal.

So here’s my take on a solution – just keep the following in mind:

It’s not always about finding THE answer; sometimes there just isn’t a single definitive answer, or even any reliable place to look for one if there was.

Very often it’s simply about creating AN answer, or even a few options that might work.

Relatively simple, yes? To recap: It is more often about creating an answer than finding one, and it is most often about AN answer rather than THE answer.

So next time you need or want to “think” about something important, don’t put so much pressure on yourself to be “right”. Instead, just follow this advice and you’ll most likely end up doing what works. 🙂

the time to decide is now

Common Scenario: You find yourself facing a daunting backlog of tasks based on a seemingly endless To-Do list.

Common Response: Procrastination.

Common Justification for Procrastination: You convince yourself that there is a distinct advantage to be gained by waiting to decide. Naturally, once decisions are made, then you can attack each task with confidence!

Common Mistake: Failing to appreciate the fact that a backlog of tasks most often indicates a backlog of decisions i.e. this is not an “insufficient time & energy” issue, but rather an “emotional avoidance” issue.

Uncommon Solution: Debunk for yourself right now the myth that there is any advantage whatsoever in avoiding a decision. HINT: You can ease into acceptance by negotiating with yourself “Decide NOW….I can always follow through with specific actions as required… y’know, later.”

The power of decision is a muscle – use it well & often or lose it to atrophy.