Perspectives

how to live better longer

by Paul Joo

“It is not that we have a short space of time, but that we waste much of it.

Life is long enough, and it has been given in sufficiently generous measure to allow the accomplishment of the very greatest things if the whole of it is well invested.

But when it is squandered in carelessness, when it is devoted to no good end, forced at last by the ultimate necessity we perceive that it has passed away before we were aware that it was passing.

So it is – the life we receive is not short, but we make it so, nor do we have any lack of it, but are wasteful of it.”  – Seneca

Of course we can deliberately, purposefully and persistently choose to live otherwise… but only if we believe it is worth the effort. 🙂

Perspectives

the key to learning from your mistakes

by Paul Joo

When you make a serious mistake – and we all do from time to time – how do you (a) transform it from disappointment into a learning experience, and (b) resolve to not repeat that same mistake again?

The key is to discipline yourself to remain brutally objective, and most importantly avoid the allure of self-pity in any of its comfortable forms.

Consider: If you let self-pity seep in while you are reflecting on your mistake, then your reflections rapidly & inevitably spin in the direction of self-punishment, and you end up trapped in a morass of self-pity & regret. Thus occupied, you are not likely to recognize facts and understand why you made the mistake in the first place. The outcome? You are most likely doomed to repeat that mistake in the future.

If, however, you doggedly refuse to permit self-pity to gain any purchase during your reflections, then once you’ve thoroughly understood why you originally made the mistake, you are in a position of power to resolve to never make it again.

Remember: By just refusing to allow self-pity to pollute your thinking, your personal power increases tenfold.

Perspectives

love & approval….very different things

by Paul Joo

Love is…

  • Based on mutual RESPECT.
  • Arises from the fact that You are uniquely You.
  • Strengthens your self-confidence.

… so relationships based on Love can help you develop true independence.

Approval is…

  • Based on another’s OPINION.
  • Arises from the fact that You are seen as one of Them.
  • Keeps your self-confidence in a perpetually weakened state.

… so relationships based on Approval can undermine your independence.

Ask yourself which type of relationships you would prefer to cultivate?

The good news is that if you’re strong enough, you can CHOOSE! 🙂

Perspectives

the time to decide is now

by Paul Joo

Common Scenario: You find yourself facing a daunting backlog of tasks based on a seemingly endless To-Do list.

Common Response: Procrastination.

Common Justification for Procrastination: You convince yourself that there is a distinct advantage to be gained by waiting to decide. Naturally, once decisions are made, then you can attack each task with confidence!

Common Mistake: Failing to appreciate the fact that a backlog of tasks most often indicates a backlog of decisions i.e. this is not an “insufficient time & energy” issue, but rather an “emotional avoidance” issue.

Uncommon Solution: Debunk for yourself right now the myth that there is any advantage whatsoever in avoiding a decision. HINT: You can ease into acceptance by negotiating with yourself “Decide NOW….I can always follow through with specific actions as required… y’know, later.”

The power of decision is a muscle – use it well & often or lose it to atrophy.

Perspectives

choosing the elusive & enigmatic “best”

by Paul Joo

Wouldn’t it be great to always be able to “do what’s best”? It would sure be handy to know that you’re always guaranteed to make the right choice or the right move, in every case.

Unfortunately, the nature of our reality is such that we are seldom in a position to know precisely what is the absolute “best” choice or response to a given situation. And this is true no matter how smart or experienced we happen to be. So at the end of the day, focusing our attention on doing what’s best really just delivers big stress, and not much else.

The takeaway is that regardless of the circumstances, your best option is always to stay focused on simply  – and genuinely – doing your best.

Consider: if you do the absolute best that you are capable of at any given time, then whether the outcome ends up being optimal or not, you are in a position to move forward with confidence from that point. This holds true for any scenario. Conversely, if you focus solely on trying to do what’s best (vs. your best) you are more than likely to end up disappointed with the results. The reason being that even though your brains & experience are supporting your opinion of what you think is best at the time, you cannot actually predict exactly what will prove to be “best” for every set of circumstances. That’s just our imperfect life.

So, if you ever find yourself struggling to “do what’s best”, stop, let go and shift your focus to doing your best with whatever you have at hand. And if you ever feel inclined to beat yourself up for not having done “what’s best”, take a step back, realize the pointlessness of that judgment, and refresh your perspective. If you did your best then you gained a valuable learning experience. And if you didn’t do your best, then figure out why…and how to do your best next time – and every time after that!  🙂

Perspectives

is what you want possible?

by Paul Joo

We can sometimes find ourselves in a position where we feel a compelling drive to “prove something”. Sometimes to ourselves, sometimes to others.

So I think it’s important to understand the following:  When you decide to “prove something”, you are actually setting out on a journey that will end up being either a Path or a Struggle.

And which one it turns out to be for you depends solely on the degree to which you believe the outcome you desire is in fact possible.

For example, if you believe the outcome you desire is in fact possible, then even if your journey is at times rough, uphill, or lonely, you still keep the feeling that you are on the Path to some positive outcome! So you won’t lose faith in yourself because you know that eventually you will succeed.

Conversely, if you doubt that the outcome you desire is really possible, then no matter how roughly or smoothly you find your way, you will ultimately be engaged in a perpetual Struggle. So your faith & confidence in yourself and your capabilities will likely wax & wane, and the overall experience will in all likelihood net out to be an unpleasant one.

What to do? When you find yourself compelled to “prove something”, go full steam ahead and do it! Just make sure that before you start, you do whatever it takes to convince yourself that the outcome you desire is not only possible, but inevitable! 🙂

Perspectives

why “be realistic” may not be the best advice

by Paul Joo

A very common piece of advice that we all get from time to time is “be realistic”.

Usually we hear this in response to our explaining how or why we intend to embark on the realization of a dream, ambition or desire that appears to be out of reach at present. It may even involve taking a risk or two. Point is, “be realistic” is a common response to someone – maybe you – taking the risk to reach far ahead of who, what or where they are.

But there is a big problem with “be realistic” – it squelches positive momentum, and often fatally. So assuming positive intentions, a far better alternative to offer is “operate in reality”, because “be realistic” is nowhere near the same thing as “operate in reality”. To wit:

  • “Be Realistic” means “accept whatever constraints you have been led to believe that you must accept”.
  • “Operate In Reality” means just what it says, as well as “neither pretend nor waste time relying on wishful thinking”.

See the difference?

So if you ever find yourself feeling compelled to either give or receive this type of advice, do yourself (and them) a big favour: purge the phrase “be realistic” from your mind & vocabulary, and replace it with “operate in reality”. Remember: As long as you have at least one foot on the ground, it’s safe to soar!

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