Tag: Self-Awareness

When you make a serious mistake – and we all do from time to time – how do you (a) transform it from disappointment into a learning experience, and (b) resolve to not repeat that same mistake again?

The key is to discipline yourself to remain brutally objective, and most importantly avoid the allure of self-pity in any of its comfortable forms.

Consider: If you let self-pity seep in while you are reflecting on your mistake, then your reflections rapidly & inevitably spin in the direction of self-punishment, and you end up trapped in a morass of self-pity & regret. Thus occupied, you are not likely to recognize facts and understand why you made the mistake in the first place. The outcome? You are most likely doomed to repeat that mistake in the future.

If, however, you doggedly refuse to permit self-pity to gain any purchase during your reflections, then once you’ve thoroughly understood why you originally made the mistake, you are in a position of power to resolve to never make it again.

Remember: By just refusing to allow self-pity to pollute your thinking, your personal power increases tenfold.

Love is…

• Based on mutual RESPECT.
• Arises from the fact that You are uniquely You.
• Strengthens your self-confidence.

… so relationships based on Love can help you develop true independence.

Approval is…

• Based on another’s OPINION.
• Arises from the fact that You are seen as one of Them.
• Keeps your self-confidence in a perpetually weakened state.
  

… so relationships based on Approval can undermine your independence.

Ask yourself which type of relationships you would prefer to cultivate?

The good news is that if you’re strong enough, you can CHOOSE! 🙂

Wouldn’t it be great to always be able to “do what’s best”? It would sure be handy to know that you’re always guaranteed to make the right choice or the right move, in every case.

Unfortunately, the nature of our reality is such that we are seldom in a position to know precisely what is the absolute “best” choice or response to a given situation. And this is true no matter how smart or experienced we happen to be. So at the end of the day, focusing our attention on doing what’s best really just delivers big stress, and not much else.

The takeaway is that regardless of the circumstances, your best option is always to stay focused on simply  – and genuinely – doing your best.

Consider: if you do the absolute best that you are capable of at any given time, then whether the outcome ends up being optimal or not, you are in a position to move forward with confidence from that point. This holds true for any scenario. Conversely, if you focus solely on trying to do what’s best (vs. your best) you are more than likely to end up disappointed with the results. The reason being that even though your brains & experience are supporting your opinion of what you think is best at the time, you cannot actually predict exactly what will prove to be “best” for every set of circumstances. That’s just our imperfect life.

So, if you ever find yourself struggling to “do what’s best”, stop, let go and shift your focus to doing your best with whatever you have at hand. And if you ever feel inclined to beat yourself up for not having done “what’s best”, take a step back, realize the pointlessness of that judgment, and refresh your perspective. If you did your best then you gained a valuable learning experience. And if you didn’t do your best, then figure out why…and how to do your best next time – and every time after that!  🙂

There is a lot of well-intended talk about the critical importance of “finding your passion”, “being passionate about what you are doing”, and “the key to success is to do what you are passionate about”.

But I’ve noticed that many people often get stressed out when they are unable to immediately identify said “passion” in their own lives. And many of them are even assailed by doubts that they may not ever have a “passion”, and so may be consigned to a life less rich.

Having given this a great deal of thought and examination, I’ve come to this conclusion: While “being passionate” about what you’re doing is always nice, it’s not really that important.

I’ve discovered that – for me, anyway – the most important thing to achieve is “being passionate” about WHY you’re doing whatever you have chosen or will choose to do!

In fact, here is a simple breakdown of what I see as the optimal priorities when it comes to your “finding your passion”:

1. Be passionate about WHY you care about _____.

2. Be passionate about HOW you do _____.
3. Be passionate about WHAT you do _____.

So if you ever find yourself stuck & frustrated in the search for your true “passion” in life, I recommend you ponder this bit of Zen wisdom: “When you seek it, you cannot find it.”

Instead of wearing yourself out trying to “find your passion”, why not try devoting your thoughts to WHY you care about whatever it is you find yourself really caring about. Once you’ve got that figured, it is more than likely that your “passion” will soon find you.  🙂

 

While I generally don’t condone foisting one’s beliefs on others, I offer a bit of wisdom that I believe ought to be shared with every person whenever possible. Further, I strongly recommend you consider it of paramount importance if you are a parent.

Here it is:  Life is about challenge, NOT struggle!

What’s the difference?

STRUGGLE is a state. It has no discernible beginning, middle, or end. It is by nature endless and timeless. It has neither particular entrance nor escape. It is a state in which one simply finds oneself, without any clear view of how one arrived. As a core belief, it is a breeding ground for lifelong feelings of powerlessness and futility.

CHALLENGE, on the other hand, is an event or circumstance. It has a discernible beginning, middle, and end. Because every challenge is by nature finite, its parameters can be understood, and so ultimate victory is always possible no matter how difficult circumstances may be.

When people are conditioned by example, religion, or experience with the core belief that Life is a series of struggles, they become weak, frustrated, and hopeless. Even if they make a Herculean effort to live better, inherent feelings of futility just end up burning them out from the inside, and they suffer unduly.

Conversely, when people are conditioned to perceive Life as a series of challenges to be met, understood, and conquered, they become strong, confident, healthy, whole, and more inclined to behave as truly human beings. They feel better, live better, do better, and treat one another better. They are likely to become a credit to themselves, society, and the human race.

I would ask that you pay very close attention to whether – consciously or not – you are communicating the message that Life is about enduring struggles, or the message that Life is about meeting challenges. Big difference.

You never know, the life you save might very well be your own.